The Nightmare｜夢魘/惡夢
國立東華大學英美語文學系
111學年度曾珍珍教授紀念獎學金—英文短文獎得獎作品｜
111 Academic Year Award-winning English Essay of Prof. Chen-chen Tseng Memorial Scholarship,
Department of English, National Dong Hwa University
Everything seemed unreal as if I was in a dream. But at the same time, I felt I just woke up from a nightmare. Rising from the bed, I dragged my feet to the window and lowered the shade, preventing the gleaming sunlight from filling the room.
一切都好不真實，像在做夢一樣。但，同時也像是剛從惡夢中驚醒。我爬下床，拖著沉重的步伐到窗邊，將窗簾拉上，擋住灑滿房間的陽光。
After getting dressed, Fallon walked downstairs to leave for school. While passing through the kitchen, her mother stopped her, “Would you like some breakfast to go?”
換好衣服，法倫下樓準備去上學。經過廚房時，媽媽叫住她：「要不要帶早餐去學校吃？」
“She is too fat to eat anything!” Kevin, her brother, barked out a funny face.
她的弟弟凱文大聲嘲笑道：「她太胖了，不能再吃了！」
Mom lashed out, “Cool it, Kevin! She’s just…”
媽媽生氣地說：「別這樣，凱文！她只是……」
She turned to Fallon but quickly looked away. “I’m sorry” was written all over Mom’s face.
她看向法倫，但馬上移開目光。媽媽的臉上滿是歉意。
“I’ll have my breakfast to go anyway.” Fallon said, cracking a small smile while making her way to the entryway. Opening the door to leave, she overheard Mom murmuring to Kevin, “Be nice to your sister, she’s been through enough.”
「我帶早餐去吧。」法倫邊說邊努力擠出微笑，走向門口。當她打開門要離開時，聽到媽媽低聲對凱文說：「對你姊姊好一點，她所經歷的已經夠多了。」
Off Fallon went.
法倫離開了家。
Fallon was a 9th grader in junior high. Like any other student, she’s not entirely enthralled by what her school had to offer. The time that she spent with her friends during breaks was what made coming to school almost bearable. Bells rang, and class was about to start. She quickly scurried over to her seat in the classroom and noticed her best friends Leo and Crystal murmuring about something with some other classmates. Leo was sharing a rumor about their classmate Ivan.
法倫是個國三生。和其他同學一樣，她對學校的一切絲毫不感興趣。在下課和朋友們一起度過的短暫時光，使她勉強能忍受上學這件事。鐘聲響起，即將開始上課，她匆匆忙忙地走到教室的座位上，發現她的好朋友里歐和克莉絲托在和其他同學小聲地交談著。里歐正在和同學們聊伊凡的八卦。
Leo smirked, “I heard Ivan got caught making out with a college chick, and that’s why he is about to get transferred to another school.”
里歐嘲笑道：「我聽說伊凡被抓到和一個女大生親熱，所以他即將要轉學。」
Noticing Fallon, Crystal sighs and dismisses the whole thing as nonsense, “You’re making it up. You can just shut up now.”
克莉絲托發現法倫在旁邊，她嘆了口氣，並把整件事情當作無稽之談：「胡說八道，你可以閉嘴了。」
Overhearing the gossip made Fallon feel anxious and embarrassed.…
不小心聽到八卦讓法倫覺得既焦慮又尷尬......
Bells rang, and the last class was dismissed. As students put things away in their bags and left, Mr. Chen, her teacher, came over for a chat.…
下課鐘聲響起，最後一節課結束了。當學生們收拾書包準備離開時，陳老師走過來和法倫聊天......
Although Fallon didn’t remember the whole conversation, there’s one remark she held onto, it lingered and hurt like a needle stuck in her skin.
雖然法倫不太記得他們聊了什麼，但有一句話不停迴盪在她的腦海中，像針刺進身體一般，好傷她的心。
Charlie said, “If you don’t like him, you could’ve said no and just walked away.”
查理說：「如果妳不喜歡他，妳大可說不，然後走開。」
Fallon ran home crying.
法倫哭著跑回家。
Have you ever experienced a meltdown? It feels like the entire world is falling apart and there’s no way out. Sitting in the dark corner of her room, Fallon was desperately panting, almost out of breath, and covered in sweat. She cried in despair, “Mom, I don’t need your apologies. You’ve done nothing wrong. I… I just need you to take my hands and tell me everything will be okay.”
你是否經歷過崩潰？那感覺像是整個世界分崩離析，無路可逃。法倫縮在房間的角落，像是窒息一般，拚命喘氣，渾身被汗水浸濕。她絕望地哭著：「媽媽，我不需要妳的道歉。妳並沒有做錯什麼。我...我只需要妳牽著我的手，告訴我一切都會好起來。」
Everything was blurry, and she couldn’t stop crying, “It’s not like I didn’t want to push him away. Why am I to blame here? What did I do wrong?”
眼前一片模糊，她淚流不止，「根本不是我不想推開他，為什麼要怪我？我做錯了什麼？」
She noticed a note falling out of her backpack. A note from Crystal.
她發現一張紙條從背包裡掉出來，是克莉絲托寫給她的信。
“Dear Fallon,
I know that even with all of the times I’ve said you’re not alone, I couldn’t change the fact that you feel all alone and helpless. So, I hope I can make my feelings clear to you through this letter. You reached out to me when I was at my lowest. So, if you feel alone, I’ll take your hand and hug you until you complain that it’s too cheesy! I’ll always be by your side if you don’t feel like being alone, okay?
Love, Crystal.”
「親愛的法倫，
我知道，即便我不斷告訴妳，妳不是一個人，還是無法改變妳感到孤獨和無助的事實。因此，我希望能藉由這封信向妳表達我的感受。當我處於人生最低潮時，是妳向我伸出了援手，所以，如果妳感到孤獨，我會牽著妳的手，擁抱妳，直到妳嫌我太肉麻為止！如果妳不想一個人待著，我永遠都會陪在妳身邊，好嗎？
愛妳的克莉絲托。」
After reading the letter, Fallon wiped away her tears and said with composure, “It’ll be a long journey before I can move on, but now I know I’m not alone…”
讀完這封信，法倫拭去淚水，堅定地說：「走出這片黑暗的過程可能會很漫長，但現在我知道，我不是一個人......」
And I woke up. Somehow, I relived the nightmare haunting me over the last few years. Eventually, I was able to move on and finally put it behind me. Although I’m unable to erase the scar, why should I? It’s a goddamn beautiful one. For the first time since then, I’m excited about whatever the future holds for me. I pull myself from the bed, march to the window, and embrace the sunlight.
然後，我醒了過來。不知為何，過去幾年我重新經歷那揮之不去的惡夢。最終，我走出黑暗，並將它遺忘。雖然我無法抹去那道疤痕，但一定要除掉它嗎？這傷疤該死的美麗。自那時起，我第一次對未來未知的一切感到興奮。我爬下床，走向窗戶，擁抱陽光。
英文作者｜Author：英美語文學系 李丞展｜Leo Lee, Department of English
中文譯者｜Translator：英美語文學系 陳年柔｜Annabeth Chen, Department of English