Bright Days｜美好的時光
1.
1.
The sky is cloudy. A house with red rooftop annoyingly sits itself in the middle of fields of crops. Although it is not shabby at all, violent yellowish cracks can be clearly seen between the different windows. Frogs in fields and cicadas on trees make mocking-like shrill noise.
陰天，紅屋頂的屋子病懨懨的座落在種滿莊稼的田中央。它並不破舊，但仍可以從一定的距離辨識出窗與窗之間一道道銳利鮮明的黃色裂痕。田間的蛙與蟬鳴此起彼落發出尖銳不已的笑聲。
“You dumb stupid idiot. It’s right there, next to the milk. What’s in your brain? Shit?” Gigi is 9. Her sister is 13 years older than her. Her sister shouts at Gigi as if she hurled insults at her. The unpleasant name-calling is so loud that the entire family can hear it, but the rest of the family members are all using their phones. They seem imperturbable to the status quo.
「你這個大蠢蛋，它就在那、就在牛奶旁邊。你腦袋到底裝什麼？屎嗎？」吉兒才九歲，正在朝她狠狠丟出一連串辱罵的是比她還大十三歲的姐姐。即使這樣的喊叫聲大到能讓全家都聽得一清二楚，正在滑手機的家人們仍選擇悠悠地沉浸在自己的狀態中。
“Ugly, I told you to fetch me my pudding. You went there fumbling about and achieved NOTHING!” Gigi’s tears roll down her cheeks. Such experience is nothing new to her. It has already felt like some psychological-illness-healing medicine that is to be taken three times a day.
「醜八怪，我已經告訴你拿我的布丁過來，你給我走去摸魚了一圈然後空手回來？」斗大的淚珠此時已經滑落吉兒的雙頰，這樣的經驗其實對吉兒來說並不陌生，這感覺就像是硬生生吞下必須一日服三次精神疾病的藥物。
“I…I swear I ha…have looked for it. I re…really didn’t see… it…” Gigi chokes up.
「我...我發誓...我ㄑ…確實有找，但真的找不到....」吉兒邊啜泣邊說。
“She’s lying. Liar.” Gigi’s cousin retorts, as though she could always read through Gigi’s mind and know the truth.
「她在說謊，騙子！」吉兒的表姊反駁道，好像她每次都能看穿吉兒、知道事實一樣。
“I am not…” Gigi whispers powerlessly. How can the words a mistake utters not be greater mistakes? Even if someone does believe her, it doesn’t make any difference either. No one will “really” help. Her grandpa won’t; her grandma won’t; her mom won’t. Her habit of keeping diary is her only outlet.
「我…沒有...」吉兒無力地回應道。一個錯誤所用到的所有文字該如何不成為更大的錯誤？即使有任何人相信吉兒，也無法改變任何現狀。並不會有人「真的」伸出援手，無論是她的爺爺、奶奶，還是媽媽，沒有人會。除了她每天保持的寫日記習慣，那是吉兒唯一的宣洩方式。
“Retard. Put the bread in the oven. I want strawberry jam on it. Don’t overcook it.” Gigi’s sister orders.
「智障，把麵包放進烤箱，記得塗上草莓果醬，不准烤焦了。」姐姐命令到。
“Okay…” Gigi sobs. It may just be a normal Wednesday to her sister, but it is a trauma day to Gigi. If anyone did anything at that time, would things be different?
「是的...」吉兒持續啜泣，對姐姐而言一個再平凡不過的星期三，對吉兒而言卻是永遠的創傷。如果在這樣的關鍵時間上有誰做了什麼，未來會不會有所不同？
2.
2.
Gigi then meets Peggy in high school. She doesn’t know what traits Peggy possesses that attract her, but she knows she wants to hold her hand and stroll the campus with her under the starry night after school; she wants to hug her blithely at Peggy’s bed when rays of sunlight beam down on floor through gaps of curtains; she wants to…kiss her.
隨後，吉兒在高中的時候認識了佩姬。她不了解是佩姬的何種特質吸引著她，她只知道她想要牽著她的手，漫步在星空下的校園裡；她想在陽光穿透簾幕的床上歡愉輕摟彼此。她想要...親吻她。
“Can you be quiet? It’s 2 in the morning.” Gigi’s sister’s boyfriend bursts open her door. He sees her crying. He sees it. Gigi knows because he turns on the light. Without asking anything, he leaves.
「你可以安靜點嗎？現在才凌晨兩點。」吉兒姐姐的男友忽然將門打開說道。他有瞧見她哭泣，他確實有看到。吉兒知道他有看到是因為燈是他開的，但他仍選擇不聞不問地轉身離開。
Gigi is left agape.
留吉兒一個人驚訝地站在原地。
“How can he just walk away as if he didn’t see anything. He doesn’t even bother to ask.” Gigi tells Peggy unbelievably.
「到底為何可以像是什麼也沒看到似的、這麼冷漠地轉身而去，他甚至完全沒有要關心的意思。」吉兒不敢置信地跟佩姬說到。
“Isn’t that normal? Who the hell you think you are? No one would care about you. Accept the reality now.”
「這不是很正常嗎？你以為你是哪根蔥？沒有人在乎你，接受事實吧！」
Now Gigi is left agape and hurt. No. “Even more hurt” would be the right phase.
對於這番言論，吉兒感到震驚受傷。不，正確的說法應該是「加倍受傷」。
Yet, every time Peggy makes her heart writhe painfully, she dares not tell anyone. Feeling all alienated and bewildered, She withstands everything herself. The majority of people accepts girls liking girls, but it just feels weird to admit it when liking boys is the default assumption to everyone. It seems to whisper: “it is ‘better’ if you are attracted to the opposite sex” to everyone’s ear. The existence of closet makes it impossible for people to enjoy the freedom of being what they are.
然而，每次佩姬使她心如刀割的時候，吉兒都悶在心中不說。將所有苦悶和煩憂獨自一人承擔，即便現在大部分人都接受女生互相相愛，但在社會常模的洗腦下，人還是會自動將女生就是應該喜歡男生當成基本設定。這樣的常模沒日沒夜地在我們耳邊竊竊私語著：「當個異性戀比較好。」櫥櫃的存在讓所有人都無法自由自在地做自己。
3.
3.
“Why are my cuttings all regularly striped?”
「為何我的傷口都很規律的會自動排列整齊？」
Looking at the striped scars on her left wrist, she sees bars in prison. She gazes at them and then zones out. The figure of a trapped and forlorn woman obscurely appears behind the bars on her wrist. She seems numb as to where she is.
看著手腕上一條條傷疤，她看見的是囹圄。盯著它們一會之後，她看見一個被囚禁的絕望身影：是個絕望的女人模模糊糊地出現在她手腕上的一條條鐵柵欄後面，雙眼透露著身處何地的麻木。
Knock. Knock.
叩，叩，叩。
The abrupt knocking on Gigi’s door brings her back to the reality. She raises her head.
忽然的敲門聲把吉兒拉回現實。她抬起了頭。
“I have read your diary.” Her sister says outside the door.
「我讀了你的日記。」是姐姐站在門外。
Left surprisedly speechless, Gigi jumped up. She then apologized manically.
嚇的跳了起來，腦袋一片空白。她瘋狂地開始道歉。
“I am sorry I am really sorry…I…I didn’t mean to…It doesn’t…I…” Trying to explain everything, she talks with an incredibly fast speed. She is on the brink of crying.
「我很抱歉，我真的...真的...很抱歉。我真的...不是...故意要這麼做的...」講話速度隨著急迫想解釋的心情，變得異常的快。吉兒幾乎都要哭了出來。
“Let me in. I am sorry.” Her sister says with a tone that is difficult to recognize.
「讓我進去，我才要說抱歉。」姐姐用一種難以辨識的語調說出這句話。
Later that night, her sister comes out to Gigi.
那晚，姐姐向吉兒出櫃了。